Blog Post #3: Blessings In Disguise

18 Nov

Julie Z, from FBomb, writes about betrayal and the lost of a close friend along with her now ex-boyfriend. This is how Julie summed it up: “This was not a normal break up. A girl that I considered to be a close friend sent my boyfriend – who was also one of my best friends – a letter declaring her undying love for him while we were still together (for those of you not up on the Unofficial Girl Code, this is Violation #1). Not to mention she was still with her boyfriend at the time. My boyfriend and friend conferred, apparently decided that their feelings for each other were similar in nature to those felt by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic / Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca / Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in the The Notebook and broke up with their significant others to begin their lifelong love affair that film and literature could possibly try to capture in the future, but would pale in comparison to their other-worldy glow of true love.”

Yes, breakups are hard, especially those linked to ending friendships. However, it’s important to get back up and realize that it’s not the end of the world and that there are more important things we could focus on. Some people distract themselves by working and some dwell on the situation to a point where it becomes unhealthy. Relationships have different impacts on people and how relationships end may have lasting effects. At some point, we may have all experienced this in one way or form. As time passes, we realize that it wasn’t that bad after all and it’s actually not much of a loss. It’s better to realize it earlier on than later, right? Julie goes on to explain how feminism helped her go through her heartbreak.

Without a boyfriend in her life, she came to realize that she has great friends who have always been supportive of her. Often times, when people are in relationships, their world gradually just becomes two people. We become comfortable of the idea of always having someone there, someone to do things with, to go places with. But it’s important to maintain friendships outside of that too. A close friend of mine often tells me she feels suffocated with her long-term boyfriend. This is because they went to the same high school together, and now the same college. She even chose her major based on what her boyfriend was doing. Now she hates the college and her major but can’t switch out because it has already been 4 years.  They share the same circle of friends and do everything together. It comes to a point where you don’t have your own personal space and group of friends to go to. I feel that regardless of whether or not we are in relationship, we must make certain decisions on our own, and follow our own passions.

It’s also important to have role models and mentors to go to when we need help or advice. I really like the way Julie described her mother as being her role model.  “Strong women breed strong women, and my mom is no exception. She is the one who taught me to have integrity even when the world is beating down on you. She is the one who taught me how to treat everybody else the way I’d want to be treated (AHEM). She is the one who taught me to be strong and ambitious in life but giving and compassionate in relationships and friendships. She also helped get me through this by constantly reminding me that I could not let other people’s dumbass moves define me. “You’ve got so many more important things to deal with in your life than those idiots. Don’t let them have such power over you,” she said.” I think all women should take this advice. With role models and guidance, we will have a better sense of what to do and what decisions to make that impact our lives. That is not to say that we are being manipulated, but rather, exposed to different opinions and experiences. Through that, we can reflect and learn.

Lastly, Julie explains that in helping other people, she was able to take her mind off of what had happened. Looking at it in the grande scheme of things is important. True success is being able to deal with setbacks in a positive way. She has shared her experience with us here, within the blogging community, in hopes of giving guidance to others. Overall, I believe it’s important to have a group of friends or support group we can turn to outside of intimate relationships. It’s also important to not forget those around us, as our actions affect them too. Julie states that being a feminist helped her get through this, but this advice can be applied to anyone going through a similar situation.

-Diana Situ

 

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2 Responses to “Blog Post #3: Blessings In Disguise”

  1. ysamar November 19, 2010 at 3:30 am #

    This is an inspiring article. Not only does it reminds you to be strong but also to not be independent. Life will always throw obstacles at you and you cant let it break you, only make you a stronger person to deal with the next obstacle.
    Friends are a great resource in life and when you are in a relationship its definitely important to have people to go to besides your significant other. With no friends you end up depending only on your spouse and if things go wrong you will feel lost. Be your own person and just bring that personality into the relationship, don’t let the relationship define you.

  2. darian12 November 22, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    This was a great blog. I think women have a major problem when they get into serious relationships and a lot of the times feel trapped but since they have no friendship circle they stay in these relationships. Having these friends gives anyone help to heal with everything. Especially in an abusive relationship. If a woman is in an abusive relationship and has no friends she would have no support system and feel trapped. She might never get out and save herself. Having friends and a family that is always there for you is the best thing.

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